Where the gender comes from?

Is the gender a concept imposed on us from the outside or it's an integral part of ourselves?
By explaining a difference between gender being performed and gender being performative, Judith Butler, a philosopher and gender theorist from USA, shares her point of view in one of many interviews given which is called "Your Behavior Creates Your Gender".
First idea discussed by Butler is ana idea of "gender being performed" - sh compares gender to a role and the behaviors associated with it to act in a specific way. The role-play is essential to show the society our gender - by acting a certain way we can claim affiliation with it.
On the other hand, "gender is performative" implies that the ways we act around construct our gender. Butler uses a personal anecdote to illustrate that other person assumed her gender and sexuality just by looking at her - which means her superficial appearance and the way she moved created an assumption of her being a "lesbian" in that person's mind. We believe that we act as a man or as a woman because it's an internal part of our identity, a fact about us. However, according to her opinion, gender is a phenomenon being produced all the time, and in reality "nobody is a gender from the start". She acknowledges that her view - which can be summarized as gender being a fluid idea - is controversial.
Well, so how should this idea of gender shape our view of it?
Think about troubles peoples have to face when acting differently than the stereotypes of their assigned gender - "sissy boys" or "tomboys" can experience bullying or even violence just because their expressions of selves is stands from the traditionally formed "norm". Then come parents worried about their kids behaving is a way that stands out from the stereotype of a man or a woman. Quite often a solution chosen to resolve this "problem" is a hard criticism from outside or "institutional powers like psychiatric normalization" - tools to keep us in a definition of gender.

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